Dear Tivo,

I know you get a lot of praise for having a good UI, but I think that’s mainly because so many other TV-related UIs suck. I mean, your UI is definitely better than the one in my cable box. That’s one of the main reasons I bought you. But it’s been a year now and while I think you’re better than my cable box, you aren’t that much better. In fact, I wonder how long this relationship will last. At times, I feel mistreated by you, Tivo, so here are some things you need to change or we might just have to end this thing.

Don’t get loud with me.
I hate it when you make the bounce sound. You know the one I’m talking about. Whenever I get to the top or bottom of a list, or I navigate to the end of a tree… BOUNCE! You might as well slap me in the face with one of your antennae. It’s like you’re saying, “You fucking idiot, you’re at the bottom already!” Seriously Tivo, you just need to chill.

Don’t partially recording something and then try to act like nothing’s wrong.
This is happening more and more lately: You’re supposed to record a show for me, but you only record part of it. The show info says “Partial”, but you don’t say why. You need to be open and honest with me, Tivo. I want to see it right on screen when I start to watch my show. Say something like: “partial recording because there was a conflict with your Season Pass for Lost,” or “partial recording because some numb-nutz changed the channel.” Whatever it may be, at least give me a reason. Don’t pretend nothing’s wrong.

Do some work around here.
Every time I search for a show it feels like I’m playing Frogger. Down, Down, Left, Left, Down, Enter, Up, Up, Up, Enter…. I swear, if you could harness half of the energy I put into typing four characters I’d never have to change the batteries in your remote again. The same goes for navigating your menus. If I want to change a setting, any setting, I have to navigate down 3 or 4 menus. Do some work around here and make your common actions more readily accessible.

Stop threatening to kill my favorite shows at random.
This one really pains me. I know you have to make space to store new recordings when your drive is full, but why does it have to be like a game of Russian Roulette? You put a little (!) next to every single recording, threatening to kill one of them at random. It’s like dealing with a violent mental patient. Please just show me the order in which you plan to delete my shows so that I can save the ones that are important. I’m tired of discovering Mad Men has been erased so that you can make room for The Brady Bunch. Yes, I know that I can set up my recordings to keep until I tell you to delete them, but that’s a lot of work (see previous item). This relationship isn’t a one way street, you need to help me understand your thought process.

I’m glad I got that off my chest. I only hope that one of your late night updates will help you outgrow these problems. Don’t make me go back to the cable box, please. I really want this relationship to work.